Well,almost every one of us would have sat for exams in our lifes and I am pretty sure that we hate it.There are some people out there who can turn blue even when the word exam or test is mentioned.What's scarier than sitting for an exam?
The results of course.It is common to rant about doing badly after a paper ends but we will eventually forget about it after sitting for the other papers.However,as the days approaching the so called 'Doomsday' a.k.a the announcement of results day comes closer, fear starts building up.
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| This picture was taken during my setting of SPM target day in April 2015 and you can see that I am trying to smile to my teacher to not reveal my terrible marks in Add Maths.. |
Did I do well?
What would happen if I didn't score an A?
What if that stupid careless mistake made me lose chances of getting an A or passing?
What if my friends got better results than me,how am I gonna face them?
What would I tell my parents?
The questions will never end and it starts eating you up little by little. Fear makes you lose your appetite, lose focus in everything you do,become stressed,encourages insomnia,makes you more quiet and you would slowly start losing your mind.
Being Asians,the stress level is even higher as most Asian parents are extremely strict when it comes to academic performance including mine.
This reminds me of the habit of comparing which I had in me till I was in Form 3.Basically,I found it hard to accept if anyone got a higher mark than me as my parents will usually ask why did X get higher than you?Both of you are in the same class right so how can she get 98% but you only get 95%.
There is an incident related to this that I will never ever forget.This is how it goes.During my mid year examination when I was in Standard 3,I got 99% for my science whereas the girl who got first in class got 100%.I was so scared that my parents will scold me that I staged a 'drama' by losing my report card on purpose.The innocent 9-year-old me couldn't just think of any other plans to hide my so-called bad results as I could never ever fake my parent's complicated signature so hiding the report card was my only resort. My parents found out about it and yes-I got the best gift ever for lying.
Looking back, I realise how naïve I was as it was just a mere 1 mark but growing up with a mentality that you're not smart unless you get the highest and become first in class, it sounded a bit logical.I was so used to getting 2nd place that it became my comfort zone but there was never a time where I didn't curse myself for not getting first place.I did get first maybe once in my entire lifetime and I felt like was on top of the world at that time.
The habit of comparing each other's results was something very common among my friends that some of them would literally jot down the marks of almost the whole class to determine who got 1st and so on even before the class teacher announced it during my primary school days.That made things really stressful and since I was someone with high expectations,I used to break down whenever people got higher marks than me.
Coming back to the main picture,the fear of results is literally killing me right now as I will be obtaining my PSPM 1(Peperiksaan Semester Program Matrikulasi) results later today.The last time I experienced this fear would have been during my SPM results day but it is more stressful this time around as for maybe the first time in my life,I will be going to obtain my results alone.My parents especially my mom had always followed me during my results day but since I am in Perlis this time around so I would have to take it all alone.
To all matriculation students out there,good luck!
May the force be with us!!
Whatever your results,just don't give up and continue striving harder as what doesn't kill you makes you stronger..
Sincerely,
Saveetra Revathi
P.s,there will be a part 2 of this post(I am not sure when will I be able to publish it but I will try my best to do it ASAP) as the comparing each other's results story is very long and there were a few unexpected twist and turns in it.I am too stressed up to continue at the moment.
